Sandeep Jauhar

This deeply moving and often heartbreaking book describes the author’s experiences of caring for a parent with dementia, starting from the first signs that something was wrong with his memory, told from the standpoint of a physician who realizes that his experience as a cardiologist and expertise in consulting the medical literature are of little help in caring for and relating to his father and his siblings, whose opinions about what should be done for their father were often at odds with his own.

Dr Prem Jauhar was born into extreme poverty in India, but he overcame numerous obstacles there and in the United States to become a highly respected agronomist at North Dakota State University. At the time of his retirement in 2014 he was already showing signs of memory loss, but he was a proud man who refused to admit that his symptoms were anything other than normal age related changes. In keeping with the culture he grew up in, he and his wife moved to Long Island to be close to their two sons, who were both practicing physicians there. Prem’s wife, who was afflicted with Parkinson’s disease, convinced Sandeep to take him to see her neurologist, who diagnosed Prem with mild cognitive impairment, which is often a precursor to Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Instead of accepting this diagnosis Prem, never am easy going man, became progressively more irascible with his beloved wife, the innumerable caregivers who his sons hired to help both parents, and his children. Frequent crises at home took a great toll on Sandeep and his older brother Rajiv, along with their sister Suneeta, and Sandeep frequently butted heads with his siblings about what ideally should be done for both parents.

Prem’s condition progressively worsened, in keeping with the expected course of Alzheimer’s disease, and Sandeep describes those final days with him, as the siblings differed but eventually agreed on the best way to ensure that their father was comfortable in his final hours.

"My Father’s Brain" is filled with interesting historical information about Alzheimer’s disease; however, what sets it apart is the honesty with which Sandeep expresses his struggles and frustrations with his father and the disease process, which I could easily identify with as the primary caregiver of a mother with dementia, and that combination elevates this book above others I’ve read about this terrible condition.… (more)

I must admit that I found this book fascinating with Jauhar's complete honesty about his relationships with his father....and his siblings as his father was dying with and from Alzheimer's...but that doesn't really cover it. It really was frightening, too, with how accurately he essentially walked all the way around the problems with dementia...for everyone involved, from caretakers, doctors, and with the person with dementia, especially. It's a tough book to read simply because there are just no answers. You know, as with anyone involved, where you are heading but the path is exhausting over time and only headed in a very negative direction.… (more)

2.5 stars

There is a bit of good in this book. Jauhar attempts to point out what's ailing the current system of medical care. (For example, unnecessary testing/procedures because that's how doctors make their money, lack of communication between specialist doctors, the frantic pace that causes patients to be treated poorly/improperly, etc.) I can agree with most of what he included on that subject.

However, Jauhar also does a lot of whining about how doctors don't get paid enough. He states they are making half of what they used to before "managed care." Possibly true, but does that really mean they're not making enough? He laments how he and his wife are struggling just to get by... but then mentions that his wife, also a doctor, is not working. And his 3-year-old is in a private nursery school because the local public schools are oh-so-bad. And his 3-year-old is in soccer. And then they have another baby and their 2-bedroom apartment is just way too small for them and their 2 very young children. So they have to move to a 3-bedroom house that they can only afford with help from his father-in-law. Cable TV was listed as a necessary expense. Blah, blah, blah.

He's apparently never known what it's like to truly struggle financially, and it's always ingratiating to hear someone claim to be an "every man" when they cannot even comprehend what that encompasses.

In addition to this, his writing style annoyed me a little. It felt too "written." And he kept using the word cranium when talking about holding his son's head in his hands. I could understand using the word in an actual medical/scientific setting, but to describe a moment between father and son? Really?

There is mention of recreational drugs being used (by Jauhar and friends) and a fair amount of language.

I appreciate that he included some stories that didn't always reflect well on him but I also sometimes got the sense that he was unaware of just how poorly they reflected - that his apparent humility here and there was completely by accident.

And finally, despite its short length, it still was a bit repetitive and could have been shorter.… (more)

I found this memoir to be insightful, despairing, sad, strong, and heartbreaking. Jauhur chronicles his father's battle against Alzheimer's, and all the difficulties that come with the diagnosis in America--namely costs. The struggle to find, provide, and afford appropriate care is incredibly difficult; adding in laws about decision-making, power of attorney, control of finances, and driving; as well as the attempts to wander and refusal to eat that commonly occur at some stage of the disease.

As doctors, Jauhur and his brother both thought they knew the medical system, but even they were overwhelmed. They were fortunate to have well-paying jobs and parents who had their affairs in order--and they and their sister were largely on the same page about care. They had money, they lucked out with a fabulous caregiver--and still they struggled emotionally and practically.

Sprinkled throughout the book Jauhar includes chapters about Alzheimer's disease itself. The history and understanding of it, diagnoses and treatments. These chapters got a little too science-y for me, but they were still interesting. I found this book to be well put together, with history, memories, events, frustrations, and so forth very well balanced to create a book that is a memoir, a history, and a warning.

Jauhar did his own narration, and it was very good.… (more)